When the Boat comes in.......

The second first was for me to have a run ashore in Newcastle, something I managed last weekend while we went up to see our oldest daughter Rebecca. She actually lives in Hinton near Jesmond, but its all Newcastle really, so we stayed in the 'Stag and Hen' Quality Inn in the centre of town.

To be honest i was a bit disappointed at first, there were no lads with their shirts off, and very few lasses were of head turning standard, well not for their looks anyway!! Fair enough though I thought I would give it a few hours and see how things developed. So where better to get a right eye full of Newcastle evening entertainment than in the famous Bigg Market, which was handily placed right by our billet.

I expected something a lot bigger, with no pun intended, like a market place befitting one of the biggest cities in England, but actually the Bigg market is quite a small area from which lanes and alleyways lead off. Sure there are plenty of bars to be found and I was quite surprised that an old caching inn and a few other 'heritage' style pubs had still survived in the area. Chains dominate, of course, which means, gassy beer, lager and bottles but nonetheless, we found Timothy Taylors, Bass, and Youngs Ordinary on tap.

The Friday night was strange though, it was like you had stepped through four time zones compared to Liverpool for example. at 6pm the whole place was full of people out on the lash, maybe its a straight from work thing, as the hen and stag groups did not start appearing until later, and by midnight everything seemed to go quiet.......really handy for sleep, like, but not what I envisaged.

Saturday we did the tourist bit, Angel of the North, Gateshead riverside, the bridges, Jesmond, Whitley Bay and Tynemouth before heading back for a quick change and out again.

Saturday night was the posh bit of town near the quayside, and the four hour time warp seemed to have been regressed, as the town woke up much later. I don't know what got me onto Brandy Alexanders, but hey ho, I survived. The Toon Army were fairly subdued given The Arse had spanked thiers in the early evening, and mention must got to the stag party in Hawaiian shirts who we spotted throughout the day and evening, definitely the best dressed stag of the weekend.

We popped into Ainwick Castle on the way back to Edinburgh to brush up on our Quidditch skills, view the dungeons and watch he bird of prey demonstration, Hedwig sadly did not show up, and that was the weekend over. It makes a weekend in London a bit dull, but the mighty Bees won yesterday so all was not too bad.

Pole dancers win Eurovision contest

Well they would, wouldn't they.......

The Tufty Club

I have had a couple of firsts recently. One occurred while we were at 'Camp Pete' I saw my first red squirrel, hopping along the fence of the farm. It is something of a mystery why I have never seen one before, given that my in-laws live very close to the Red Squirrel reserve in Formby near Southport. The reserve there is one of the most famous in the Country but is under severe threat at the moment as the grey squirrel population is starting to infiltrate the reserve. 70 or so reds have been found dead in the last month , as rangers struggle to eradicate the greys.

Local residents are required to report sightings of greys but I suspect as the population changes and houses gain new owners, the messages are not always passed on. I know I am barred by our kids from shooting the ones in our garden, as they are 'cute' . Rather a dead cutey than the eradication of one of the most precious natural species.

...because we aaarh!

Loads of things to report, but so little time, so lets start with 'Camp Pete'. Pete was unable to attend the very successful 'Camp Dick' in Yorkshire last year, so he decided to host his own. Luckily my mate Sham has a cottage near to Petes farm so we were again snuggled in the warm while the rest of the crew pitched tents and did the nature thing......

It was an action packed weekend though. after a Friday evening meal at Petes farmhouse, and a mega breakfast there the following day, we headed for Ullswater for a short, flat walk, designed to be acceptable to my dear wife, who struggles with hills a bit......well, if this was flat, I would hate to do a hilly one!!

So suitably knackered we returned to prepared for another excellent slap up meal at 'Camp Pete' cooked by the host and his family, which made us all read for bed and dreams of the daunting task ahead on the Sunday....

Yes, its village raft race day, and we have put an entry in.......Sham and Stu are dab hands at knots so it takes them and Katie no time at all to lash four oil drums and some wood together, add a flag and away you

.......only problem was it needed five people to drive it for optimum performance, and the lads had decided to enter their own raft, and 'off the record' Dick was late arriving......anyway, we gave it our best shot, and came a creditable fifth, beaten only by rubber tyres, which aren't really rafts are they?

The village then had a b-b-q and a duck race which finished the weekend off in style, a defo good camp......

Everybody, love somebody

I have embraced the Edinburgh Festival this last week and its been a fun time. A few of us from the team went to see 'The Blues Brothers Banned', a rip roaring 60 minutes of classic songs from the film plus a few more added in for good measure. They added humour, as they searched for the cowbell, and showed a range of musical and athletic skills which were top class.

The two of us who try to go to the gym most nights decided we should join their ranks as they were running up the aisles playing guitar, leaping speaker stacks and jumping around keyboards.

As well as Jake and Elwood there were two doo wap girls, each of whom belted out their own solo, a trumpet and sax, two guitars, two keyboards and a drummer, eleven people in all. The lead guitar probably had a better voice than the two front men.

We then hit the town and went for a curry in a well regarded local restaurant. The food was a disappointment, very bland and small portions, so we won't try that again.Luckily the bar over the road stayed open so we staggered back to the hotel in the wee small hours.

The festival continues this week with more fringe acts, and then the Mela and book festival take over until the end of the month, after which hotel room should come back to their normal prices!!

Still its a sound place to be, I just wish it would stop raining, its been bucketing down for weeks. i feel sorry for the tourists as the City is very easy to walk round, but there are still a few bars we have yet to visit which we can take shelter in...hic!

A Little Something for the Weekend

Now there is a phrase to bring a smile to the faces of the older generation,A phrase which has been mouthed by barbers to their clientele for many years. I must admit though, that the young busty wench who cuts my hair in Scouseland has yet to mutter the phrase. She is more likely to say would you like a tissue sir, another phrase which taken out of context would indicate that extras have been provided alongside the hair cut.


Now where is this all leading you may be asking. Well actually it all about my experience yesterday in Boots the Chemist. There I was standing in line behind a bit of fit, when she asked for the morning after pill. Blimey I thought there is a question you don't hear every day of the week, but it just went to confirm one of the greatest lines I have ever heard at the cinema.


The Likely Lads, Bob and Terry, in the film of the same name were on holiday in Gosforth and looking for a bit of action. The weather is awful and Bob is getting a bit down in the dumps. 'E, we will never cope off on a day like this' he said. 'Don't be so sure' says Terry with a glint in his eye, ' lets go to Boots, there are always women in Boots'

Its as true today as it was then.......now must go and get my haircut!

Don't get shirty with me matey......

I am concerned about a worrying trend which is very evident here in Edinburgh, although Ii have seen symptoms of it all over the Country. it started many years ago as a youthful trend, but is now being embraced by men of all ages.

Why do they wear their shirt outside their trousers?

I have been analysing this to try to find an answer.......OK so the world population are becoming obese, and this particular mode of dressing may well hide the beer belly in the manner of a maternity gown for men. We do tend to be more slothful these days as well, so are we just too lazy to tuck ourselves in?

I am not aware of any major fashion advertising campaign which has extolled the virtue of free flowing shirts, and no iconic figures who started the trend. So all in all I am at a loss to explain it.

I, for one, just cannot embrace the style, and continue to spread my shirt fabric over my tum as tightly as it will go........the Buddha would be a good marketing name for that sort of style, after all my body is a temple!!