....but I couldn't eat a whole one!

Well, its early Christmas present time, but I did not realise how naughty I have been this year. Number two daughter has just announced she is with child, and I am much too young to be a grandfather!!

So come July, the house will be echoing to the sound of baby stuff, Maxine will be delighted as she likes babies, and it gives me an excuse for a barbecue. So she is the boss for the first three or four years, then I can take over when 'it' gets interesting.

We actually knew before Emma did, as Maxines mate Donna, the spook, sent Maxine a text asking how Emma was. Maxine replied in true clairvoyant speak, 'you tell me' when back came the answer 'pregnant with twins'. Well the scan has so far only shown one, unless the terrors were playing hide and seek with each other already.

Lee, the international vocalist, is already working on a new set, I can imagine songs like A Child is Born, Baby Driver, Hey Baby, and Wild Child will be included, although Baby What a Big Surprise by Chicago should slot into the playlist somewhere.

I am not sure what I am going to do with all the stuff I store in the Wendy House though, maybe its a good excuse to get another shed!

Up up and away, hic!

I have noticed a few comments starting to be posted against my ramblings, which is very gratifying. One regular poster, Martin, is my brother-in-law, who has recently become a snow bird, moving from Boston to Delray just North of Miami.

His last comment was to enquire how old the cuddly birds were as referred to on the second day of Christmas. Well Martin, about 32, which is far too old for you!!!

I am sure the family will all be looking at how they can get down there for a holiday come 2009, although hopefully the dollar will have recovered a bit by then to give them some spending money.

Best way to get to Miami is, of course, by air, and I have been flying a lot recently as I commute between various homes and Edinburgh. Recently I have noticed the airways equivalent of the nutter on the bus. That for those of you not familiar with the Billy Connolly story, relates to the hobo style character who gets on the bus talking to himself, and everybody shrivels up as small as they can and whisper to themselves, 'please no, don't sit next to me'

In airline terms, I just seem to attract the selfish idiot who insists on reclining their seat violently onto my knees even though its a 45 minutes journey, and if he moved up one row, he could have them all to himself.... my coffee goes everywhere I huff and puff, stick my knees in his back, but all to no avail. I remember reading once that an inventor in America was trying to design a clip you could put on the seat in front to stop it reclining, but it worked intermittently so it never caught on.

Never mind, its the season of goodwill, so I grin and bear it, in the knowledge that tonight is the staff party, when all bad memories will be dispersed in a cloud of alcohol induced euphoria. Make mine a pint please!

Tralalalala lalalalal

A vicar in Walsall has written a new version of the The Twelve Days of Christmas as follows :

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...
12 soldiers serving
11 lottery losers
10 hoodies hollering
Nine single mothers
Eight AIDS victims
Seven shoppers struggling
Six carers caring
Five repossessings
Four calling conmen
Three starving children
Two addicts shaking
And a poor homeless refugee

While all is not well in the world, it does seem a bit gloom and doom, so here is my alternative which I hope gives a balanced view. It also scans a bit better!!

The Twelve Days of Christmas Revisited:
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...
12 soldiers serving (I like that one)
11 Royals boozing
10 Ballroom dancers
Nine judges judging
Eight lotto winners
Seven banks a merging
Six Poles decamping
Five cycling golds
Four pints of pride
Three curries
Two cuddly birds
And a brand new colour TV ( 42" flatscreen and heavily discounted of course!)

Ho ho ho!!

Double bubble and a cuppa tea luv.......

Heston Blumenthal, of snail porridge fame, if turning his hand to the menu of the Little Chef chain, and i sense a disaster coming on. The red sign of the Little Chef has been a beacon for me and the family on our many trips along the A303, A38 or A50, and always under the beacon, like a crock of gold at the end of a rainbow, is the renowned all day breakfast, the highlight of which are the saute potatoes.

Now Heston knows alot more about food than ever I do, but I think he needs to apply the Honda principle to the all day breakfast. if it aint broke don't fix it! The thought of it changing and by so doing sacrificing the tatties and fried bread is a thought I cannot bear. Its the best way to eat a lump of lard, known to man.

I always remember staying at the Gleneagles Hotel some years ago, and was disappointed that their breakfast was not made to order, rather it was kept in trays under those ghastly heat lamps. we were quite later down, so had pretty miserable dried up fayre, which prompted a letter to the general Manager on my return home.

'Sir' I indicated ' I would consider an establishment such as yours well able to provide a breakfast worthy of your status. On the last occasion I visited, it came a poor second to the Little Chef.' Needless to say the offer of a complimentary week in the hotel did not materialise, just a standard acknowledgement of the letter. If the Little Chef start offering snail porridge on the menu, then Gleneagles has no chance!

...on the day nothing new happened.....

All my regular readers deserve an update, and I apologise for the lack of stories over the last few weeks, so here goes......

Work in Edinburgh is no longer fun, the client is over aggressive and arrogant, with demands for 24 x 7 working being pushed forward. The poor bastards who work there do just what they are asked as they are looking over their shoulder expecting banner headlines highlighting job cuts, any moment. One does have certain sympathy for them. Our team are going down like flies, with sickness, stress, and general pissed-offness. we are all waiting for the 'you will be working Christmas Day won't you' comment....in your dreams pal!!!

The housing market remains fairly quiet in Chis, although I have had a couple of joker offers recently. I can't complain as I would probably try it on myself if I was a buyer at the moment. The mortgage rate reduction should help people moving forward, but I can't see much happening until March now really.

Other than that, I am expecting the worst at Twickenham on Saturday, but as always, the game tends to be the low point of the day, and this one will probably be no different.

So thats where we are, my car was not recovered so Iam now sorting a new one of those, which will give me something positive to do, when I have the time to drive it...stay tuned, I will try to be more frequent in the build up to the festive season.

Prunus pendula

After a few days away with 'the lads' playing golf in Portugal, I was faced with another 50th birthday at the weekend. They seem to be coming round like 18th and 21st did all those years ago. Great excuses for a few beers with people you generally see all the time.....anyway it allowed us to stay in a new hotel attached to the Talbot Inn in Ripley. Very nice it was too as it was only a short cab ride to the restaurant where the gig was being held. The present theme at these things is often odd, and on this occasion it was 'old gits' gear, anything from slippers and a pipe, to incontinence pants and pile reduction cream!!

At one party we went to everybody had brought salt and pepper sets for the poor victim. His mum and dad did not see the funny side of it!!

Ripley is a pleasant little village very close to the RHS gardens at Wisley so it was a perfect excuse to wander down there and have a look around. The weather became a bit inclement while we were in the new glasshouse, so we took the opportunity to dive into the library and do a bit of research on one of my relatives, John Weathers.

John was a bit of a gardening character, and a market gardener in Isleworth in Middlesex, and for eight or so years he was assistant secretary to the RHS, when the Reverend W Wilks was secretary. It was he who discovered the Shirley poppy, which was the emblem of the team I used to play rugby for in Croydon. Some co-incidence eh.

John left the RHS under a bit of a cloud according to his obituary, as he released an incorrect list of Gold medal winners to the press, to much embarrassment. John also did not suffer fools gladly and was outspoken in many areas of the gardening community, he was however much admired for his illustrations, gardening books and knowledge of French, Latin and German, from which he translated a number of gardening novels. When he died suddenly it was considered a great loss to the horticultural landscape of West London.

I was unaware that John had a brother who shared his talents. Patrick was curator at the Manchester Botanical Gardens in Old Trafford until it closed. He then returned to Isleworth to work along side his older brother.

I am sure there is much more to find out about these two particular characters, but for now its good to know my gardening interests are strongly embedded in the Weathers family tree.

I just said 'Blow the Bloody Doors Off'

Have you ever got out of bed in the morning and wondered where you have parked the car? Well that happened to me today, except I had not moved the car for three days, and it was not outside where I thought I had left it.
'That's strange' , I thought, I am sure it was there last night. So some entrepreneur of low moral fibre had tea leaved it for purpose or purposes unknown.
It will be used in a ram raid, or just driven round and dumped when it runs out of fuel said the local old bill I on the other hand had conjured up the image of it being stolen to order and already being resprayed, getting fitted with new number plates and shipped off to Cuba to star in a new James Bond film.

It had a bit of stuff in the boot, and cd's and electrical gismo's, but as I am off to Portugal tomorrow for a spot of golf, my passport and most of my equipment was luckily safely indoors.

So if any of you see a 5 Series blue BMW sticking out of a shop front near you, it could be mine!