....but I couldn't eat a whole one!

Well, its early Christmas present time, but I did not realise how naughty I have been this year. Number two daughter has just announced she is with child, and I am much too young to be a grandfather!!

So come July, the house will be echoing to the sound of baby stuff, Maxine will be delighted as she likes babies, and it gives me an excuse for a barbecue. So she is the boss for the first three or four years, then I can take over when 'it' gets interesting.

We actually knew before Emma did, as Maxines mate Donna, the spook, sent Maxine a text asking how Emma was. Maxine replied in true clairvoyant speak, 'you tell me' when back came the answer 'pregnant with twins'. Well the scan has so far only shown one, unless the terrors were playing hide and seek with each other already.

Lee, the international vocalist, is already working on a new set, I can imagine songs like A Child is Born, Baby Driver, Hey Baby, and Wild Child will be included, although Baby What a Big Surprise by Chicago should slot into the playlist somewhere.

I am not sure what I am going to do with all the stuff I store in the Wendy House though, maybe its a good excuse to get another shed!

Up up and away, hic!

I have noticed a few comments starting to be posted against my ramblings, which is very gratifying. One regular poster, Martin, is my brother-in-law, who has recently become a snow bird, moving from Boston to Delray just North of Miami.

His last comment was to enquire how old the cuddly birds were as referred to on the second day of Christmas. Well Martin, about 32, which is far too old for you!!!

I am sure the family will all be looking at how they can get down there for a holiday come 2009, although hopefully the dollar will have recovered a bit by then to give them some spending money.

Best way to get to Miami is, of course, by air, and I have been flying a lot recently as I commute between various homes and Edinburgh. Recently I have noticed the airways equivalent of the nutter on the bus. That for those of you not familiar with the Billy Connolly story, relates to the hobo style character who gets on the bus talking to himself, and everybody shrivels up as small as they can and whisper to themselves, 'please no, don't sit next to me'

In airline terms, I just seem to attract the selfish idiot who insists on reclining their seat violently onto my knees even though its a 45 minutes journey, and if he moved up one row, he could have them all to himself.... my coffee goes everywhere I huff and puff, stick my knees in his back, but all to no avail. I remember reading once that an inventor in America was trying to design a clip you could put on the seat in front to stop it reclining, but it worked intermittently so it never caught on.

Never mind, its the season of goodwill, so I grin and bear it, in the knowledge that tonight is the staff party, when all bad memories will be dispersed in a cloud of alcohol induced euphoria. Make mine a pint please!

Tralalalala lalalalal

A vicar in Walsall has written a new version of the The Twelve Days of Christmas as follows :

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...
12 soldiers serving
11 lottery losers
10 hoodies hollering
Nine single mothers
Eight AIDS victims
Seven shoppers struggling
Six carers caring
Five repossessings
Four calling conmen
Three starving children
Two addicts shaking
And a poor homeless refugee

While all is not well in the world, it does seem a bit gloom and doom, so here is my alternative which I hope gives a balanced view. It also scans a bit better!!

The Twelve Days of Christmas Revisited:
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...
12 soldiers serving (I like that one)
11 Royals boozing
10 Ballroom dancers
Nine judges judging
Eight lotto winners
Seven banks a merging
Six Poles decamping
Five cycling golds
Four pints of pride
Three curries
Two cuddly birds
And a brand new colour TV ( 42" flatscreen and heavily discounted of course!)

Ho ho ho!!