Home home on the range

There is talk of golf courses being allowed to open maybe as early as the middle of May which will be a great escape valve for alot of people who play, and their partners who don't. That would be almost two months in lockdown without the joy of seeing a wayward drive land on the beach at Wallasey, or vanish into the beautiful but deadly gorse which lurks not far off the fairway.

So what to do without access to the course which will allow the swing to function reasonably well? My solution has been to invest in a simulator to allow me to wack my ball into the net at the end of the garden, but, instead of just thinking 'that was fairly straight' or 'that went miles' the computer software is able to show me.

Now I could put one of SWMBO's best white sheets in the net and fix my PC up to a projector and really think I am on the range, but I am happy with the results being fed to the PC beside me. So far the simulator is confirming that I am a pretty ordinary golfer, but it is highlighting  few thinks I can work on.

I have tried other simulators and not really got on with them, but so far this one seems to have roughly the right length shots for most clubs, and its the direction and club speed which I need to work on. It has a bag mapping option to allow me to see how far each club goes. This then identified gaps in yardage or overlaps. It also has a wedge matrix to allow me to see which lofted clubs are best for me to carry.

With the weather changing though I am not sure how many more sessions I have got to fix a few faults, or fix the holes appearing in the net!!

Elsewhere in Weathers Towers we are without hot water at the moment as it seems the emersion heater has developed a short circuit which keeps blowing the breaker. How to find an electrician or plumber in the current climate will be interesting. At least I have now finished the outdoor portfolio of jobs although SWMBO has identified a few more. The Council tips look likely to open next week so there will be no excuse for not trimming a few trees and bushes. With luck my tree surgeon will also be back at work and able to take some of the bigger limbs down for me.

If it does rain for a few days I can catch up on phone calls and 2020 Captains administration as well as starting the list of indoor activities. I am not waiting on any e-bay purchases as I have no money left to fritter away after the simulator outlay, but if interested, my mystery purchase from China was a chandelier of dubious design and value. One for the car boot cupboard I suspect.

So that's the sum of it at the moment, things are becoming a little more mundane but if it keeps us safe and healthy then we have to knuckle down and toe the party line. When it does open again the golf course will be in magnificent condition and the clubhouse is undergoing a make-over so we wait to see the end result. Fore!

Week and politics

Well week four in the big brother house is drawing to a close and the housemates are getting restless. In the  big house in London by the river, the occupants are now fair game,  targets for everything and anything that could go wrong. That hindsight talent which many press reporters seem to have in spades is certainly coming in useful. Would they like the job of managing the Country out of this? No way. Would the Labour party, Lib Dems or Nosher from Up North want the job? Definitely not. Lets accept we are in a bit of a pickle, look around us and see most of Europe is too, and try to pull together to get through it. Nobody is handling the crisis perfectly and the whole World all need the things we need so baton down the hatches and try to think of some interesting questions the Government spokesperson can answer instead of coming out with the same old rhetoric every night.

So that's the politics bit dealt with, now how has the week been? Sadly one of the ex-captain's of the golf club, Eric Roberts,  died a while ago and his funeral was on Thursday. He was my first sponsor for captaincy nomination so I am saddened that we will not be around to see me in action. We gave him as good a send off as we were able as he was applauded on his route to the cemetery, hopefully there will be the opportunity to toast his passing once we are able to socially connect again.

I am close to exhausting my outdoor job list and have just finished repointing the patio and realigning a few boundary bricks. I think it looks pretty good. I have managed to fix the electrical fault in the kitchen so normal service has resumed there, and I have orders out for spare parts for the shower, the vacuum cleaner and the bedside light. That has once more meant I have been trawling through e-bay to procure most of it.

Regular readers will be aware that I have no will power where random spending is concerned. I used to do most of it at auctions but they have dried up on the Wirral with the best two closing down. The ones which still exist are not able to trade at the moment so I am once more weakening and spending speculatively on-line. This week though has taken a bad turn. I am now starting to buy unseen job lots, be they returned goods, bulk purchases of various Chinese imports, or potentially fake t-shirts or sunglasses. The first consignment is on its way to me so I shall report back on whether I have made a killing, or, probably, not, later in the week.

It would be more sensible for me to just have a declutter and sell my stuff on e-bay, but I just can't decide which of my 32 polo shirts I don't need any more, or the seven weatherproof jackets, or four pairs of waterproof trousers. Ah, talking of which I have just purchased another two pairs of cotton slacks which I am convinced I need for golf!! I really should utilise the one in,  one out principal or else get a bigger closet!  This lockdown is a strange bedfellow,  I  just get so excited when the door bell goes these days. Now why did I not buy shares in Paypal!

All you need is love

Out go SWMBO and I for our occasional walk together, not because we don't want to go out walking together but because SWMBO is usually on the treadmill and in the pool for an hour or so first thing, and the last thing I need after a morning in the garden is a walk!!
Nonetheless, I really should be on the static bike doing some cardio as gardening is only a bit of weight training and more anaerobic than aerobic.

Anyway, today we were off into Noctorum and round the perimeter of Wirral Golf Club. Occasionally we will walk across the course as there are a couple of public footpaths which transgress it, but today we did the longer route. Wirral golf course used to be called Wirral Ladies but they dropped the Ladies from the title about a year or so ago. They thought it was putting new gentlemen members off as the CLub had been open for many years. Personally I would have stuck with the tradition but it was up to the members and they saw fit tot change it.

The course is a bit nervous at the moment as Birkenhead School have submitted planning permission to build 35 houses on their number 2 sports field which borders the course. If it is approved then it is likely that the golf club will be forced into erecting high fences at certain points to ensure no stray golf balls do damage to the new houses. That said, in all the time I ran along the border of the course near the sports field, I never found one golf ball!

But back to our walk. Noctorum is full of very large elegant houses ( and a pretty large council estate) and one of these houses is very much in the style of a French châteaux. It has a floodlit tennis court and a swimming pool block, and a folly. The folly, however, is only wheeled out now and again for the passing foot traffic to enjoy.

Quite what the story behind the Fab Four in Oxton is, I have no idea, but there they are full size and about to go for a stroll themselves!

Ironically, Westminster Council have taken advantage of the reduced footfall caused by the Coronavirus lockdown to repaint the zebra crossing in Abbey Road, made famous as the cover to The Beatles album of 1969. Maybe the folly should be rotated 90 degrees to emulate them crossing the road, as best it can. A zebra crossing might look a bit strange outside this house though.

I have changed the image as the original was blocked, presumably for copyright reasons. It was workmen painting some white lines for goodness sake!!

 In a Sliding Doors moment, I would have been in Atlanta today playing  golf at the Atlanta Athletics Club. Monday and Tuesday just past me and my chum Steve would have done the practise days at The Masters in Augusta, and would have been flying home tomorrow as I had our eldest son's wedding on Sunday in Liverpool. That's all by the bye at the moment, so it's on with lockdown through the Easter weekend, more gardening, gym work and cake. Take care everybody, and stay safe.

Jesus saves....

....and Chivers heads in the rebound was the first iteration of this well worked slogan that I saw. It was in the garden of a church in Streatham. Football and footballers now seem to be having their moment in our lockdown life, as debate rages about whether they are doing the right thing, or indeed, anything.

The debate got started when some high profile Premier League clubs started putting their non-playing staff on furlough leave during the Corvid-19 crisis which allows the government to pay 80% of their salary. People considered this the wrong use of the furlough programme when their players were earning thousands, if not millions,  a week, and a small paycut for them could enable the Clubs to keep their non-playing staff on full pay. Even the Minister of State for Health waded in and fuelled the fire by indicating that players should do more to help.

Enter the pantomime villain who is Gordon Taylor, secretary of the Professional Footballers Association, and in all but name, the footballers shop steward. Taylor has been subject to all sorts of allegations and investigations regarding his ethical approach to his working practises and amid the latest scrutiny he agreed he would step down. That was nearly twelve months ago!

So here he is now with the bit between his teeth and an opportunity to kick the Government right where it hurts. 'If my players take a 30% pay cut that equates to over £500m' he said, 'that's 300m in taxes for the NHS'. Great rhetoric, Gordon, but where are the figures to back that up? While off shore Company and Switz bank accounts may be something HMLR have been trying to close down for years, there is a feeling in the wider community that footballers are overpaid and lack that intellectual quality which makes them valued members of society.

Wayne Rooney, not usually famed for his journalistic talents, now writes a column in The Times which he is using to try to proliferate  the average footballers case for greater regard at the same time as Kyle Walker, the England right back, decides that social isolation might be more tolerable if he shares it with a couple of hookers. Which part of isolation don't you understand Kyle?

This financial challenge for the Premier League will run and run. Will there be breach of contract recriminations? Will players leave on free transfers? Will some clubs make huge losses and go to the wall? Will Manchester City win their financial fair play appeal as they are now able to balance their books in a more favourable manner? Do I care, does anybody care? Probably not.

That said, I and others are missing watching sport on the television, and after the success of the virtual Grand National on Saturday I have to think that EA-Sports, the makers of FIFA, and the Premier League statistical partner could produce virtual matches to  allow the outstanding fixtures to be played out, final tables to be produced and cups and medals to be awarded. This could even cascade down the football pyramid such that promotion and relegation can be decided at all football league levels.

Somebody somewhere should be able to introduce a high tech solution but sometimes I just think football organisations are too insular and in the case of Gordon Taylor need to justify their own existence and look after number 1.  It's a great idea, but it  won't happen

The Spring Dinner that went wrong

Last night I should have been hosting the annual Spring Dinner at Wallasey golf club. I would have been kitted out in my red coat as would have been a number of colleague captains from neighbouring clubs. Our new chairman was gracious enough to agree to propose the toast to our guests, and the Royal Liverpool golf club captain would have given the response. It is always a very enjoyable night, and I have no doubt last night would have been equally so. I had even lined up a Doctor Frank Stableford look-alike to attend for photo opportunities before dinner.

Sadly though we are all confined to barracks, and while Have I Got News For You was able to conduct proceedings via Zoom, I suspect trying to run a dinner on the same basis would have proved to be difficult. That said though can you imagine 80 people signing in, their wives or partners serving the same dish to everybody and wine being taken. It could have been revolutionary for the Visionaries.

So we carry on with hopefully everybody still self isolating. The hot weather theat was forecast has not arrived on the Wirral so hopefully people will not mob New Brighton and Hoylake beach. It is in the South of the Country where people must be more careful and look after their neighbours.

Today we also awoke to a new Labour party leader, Sir Kier Starmer. I try not to get political on this blog, and had hoped that the words in his opening speech would allow me to continue that trend. I will support the Government and ask the tricky questions when needed , he said. excellent I thought, only to read today that already he is using the press to highlight serious errors the Government have made over the control of the virus. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and not being part of the decision process does allow you to comment in a way the people in control cannot, but it is so disappointing that he feels he has to wade in now without even waiting until his scheduled meeting later in the week with the PM.

I understand Starmer was the head of the CPS when evidence of Jimmy Saville's misdemeanours were presented to him and Starmer reached the conclusion that there was insufficient evidence to proceed. Hindsight again rearing it's head given what happened after Saville died.

How lucky Churchill was during the Second World War that he did not have social media to contend with. How he was able to control or censor fake or bad news to ensure the mood of the Country remained bouyant is something that the current PM has absolutely no chance of doing.

I wonder what the Queen has to say about it all when she addresses the Nation later this evening!

Groundhog Day

I am not sure why I have used that title as many other days would be closer its meaning than today. Yes, I hav ejust bought my third game of Totopoly from the net, at a really silly price so I am now able to make two world class sets for resale and the best of the rest for the home version, all with lead horses with four legs.

I have been asked what is so special about the lead horses. Well they are proper horses which look a lot like the  CGI versions which were taking part in the virtual Grand National this afternoon. Wasn't that a great idea and for it to be executed as well as it was is a credit to ITV and their technical animation and heuristics team. Red Rum won the Champion of Champions race on the line,  and Potters Corner won the 'proper' race with TigerRoll a gallant fourth, but who knows what would have happened if ASO had not fallen at the second last?

But back to Totopoly. Waddingtons launched the game on the back of the success of Monopoly in the late 1930's. The lead horses were a key feature of the game, but the Second World War intervened so Waddingtons were denied supplies of lead and so reverted to one dimensional paper horses in wooden blocks until supplies of suitable metals were restored. They then had one dimensional metal horses in blocks before introducing one dimensional metal horses with cast bases, which then continued into the future.

The problem with the lead horses was that in the hands of children the legs broke, the jockeys snapped off and the tails got damaged. Finding a good set still intact is, therefore, a joy. Ironically it took me nearly two years to find a good set on e-bay, I have bought the second and third set within a week and for a combined price less than the first set. Watch this space to see what I can turn them round for.

Now on to today's little adventure.  I had planned to replace some security bulbs in our lights, however, when isolating the circuit in the fuse box, the alarm went off and I could not get the blighter to switch off. I know how annoying it is when a neighbours alarm goes off so I prayed for the 20 minute limit to kick in. No such luck. After about 3 hours I managed to find a security engineer to come and fix the problem. A fuse had gone on the main circuit board of the alarm, and the standby battery was not fit for purpose. anyway he sorted it out for me and all is peae and light once more.

The knock on problem is that we now have no power in the kitchen, save for one rogue plug which is powered independent of the ring main. It seems that the circuit breaker for the other plugs is faulty. Our sparks was happy to come over to fix it, but at the moment we can get by and I don't want him making unnecessary journeys when with an extension lead we can just about cope.

So no DIY, and no gardening as by the time the alarm was fixed I had run out of enthusiasm for scarifying  the thatch out of the lawn. I can do that tomorrow.

We weakened and watch a film on Netflix last night, The Hustlers, don't bother it was rubbish so we switched over to Masterchef. I don't know why we watch that either as I have hardly heard of any of the ingredients they use, I just enjoy the torture they go through when something goes wrong!!

It's is due to be warm and sunny tomorrow, lets hope everybody is sensible about their social spacing should they be tempted to venture out. Stay safe everybody and lets hope the reductions shown in the trend analysis today continue.