All wind and bluster

They say a week is a long time in politics and so it seems at the moment. It was not many days ago that Bonking Boris was knee deep in Partygate, with the police calling and a swell of opinion increasing towards him facing a vote of no confidence. In the blink of an eye he was then thrust centre stage as the new Vlad The Impaler appears  on the block,  surrounding Ukraine with every last Russian storm trooper he could find. Then blow me down, even that was pushed off the front pages as Britain was bombarded by three mega storms in less than a week. First Dudley with its eerie Brummie wind tone, then Eunice fresh from the 1920's and a bit of  a flapper followed by Franklin, a true moaner if ever there was one.

Now I have long supported Bonking Boris as regular readers will know. This was based on sound evidence from his time as Mayor of London. I lived there under his regime and he was renowned for his ability to surround himself with clever people who basically ran the Capital while he opened things, had photo shoots and took centre stage when it helped team Johnson.

The mess the capital is now descending into under the control of Shere Khan just re-enforces the job he did. Knife crime and teenage murders are increasing, the transport system is creaking and its flagship Elizabeth line is well behind schedule and over budget. I still think it should have been called the Elizabethan line, so as to role off the tongue a bit better....like the Metropolitan or Northern Line.

Finally Khan has thrown a grenade under the bus which is the Metropolitan Police by sacking Cressida Dick and not having a suitable replacement lined up. London faces some tough months ahead.

But back to Boris. He has had a very difficult term in office and is now fighting battles he did not expect to  be involved in. I agree he has made mistakes and taken decisions which have been somewhat misguided but he has deserved a few beers occasionally. Unfortunately for him Dominic Cummings appears to have been stalking him and storing up imagery by which to torment the PM at a time when Boris should be taking accolades for the brave COVID decisions he has taken, all aimed at releasing us back to normality as soon as possible.

He is a great fan of Sir Winston Churchill and now has the chance himself to take centre stage in the unified diplomatic process aimed at pushing back at Vlad before we find ourselves fighting another enemy from the East, this time the Eastern block.

Let's hope his initiatives go well otherwise goodness knows how much heating bills will be next Winter. I'm just off to put another  jumper on. 

Damn United

Today Corid-19, the virus, has managed to achieve something that no referenda have been able to and that is to create four separate State's in the United Kingdom. I have much sympathy with the Northern Ireland assembly as they struggle with two neighbouring Countries each with a different approach. They are fortunate that they can focus on their common border colleagues while taking a 'watch and wait' approach to events across the Irish Sea.

I fail to have the same sympathy for The Crankie who is First Minister in Scotland. She spouts parrot fashion how she will not politicise the coronavirus challenge, and then does all she can to undermine the Prime Minister. If she is an intelligent person, then she should get the 'Be Alert' instruction, particularly as it is linked to a terror related status indication system too. If she is playing to the minority social networking trolls who have nothing but negative comments about everything, then she is succeeding. As I see it, her  no change strategy allows her to stand back and see how things go in England.  If it works as planned she can relax lockdown in Scotland and say she was just being cautious, if it goes pear shaped in England she can use the 'told you so' card. She is in a win-win situation and as she and Boris clearly do not get on, maybe even to the extent that they dislike each other with a passion, she can only come out of this smelling of roses, and without having to make any decisions herself.

The Welsh are dragged along in her slipstream somewhat although do seem to be prepared to take some individual decisions in isolation. The leader of the opposition, Kier Stammer just disagrees with most of what the government is doing without offering any alternatives, and must be pleased as punch that Labour lost the election.

The situation regarding children returning to school has also woken up the trade union movement who like nothing better than having a poke at a Conservative government. Press reports at the weekend indicated they were advising teachers not to provide lessons for absent pupil, not to do Zoom type lessons or talk one-to-one which them as it may expose them to pressure inconsistant with that normally experienced in the classroom. What a load of tosh!! They are now campaigning for the correct PPE for teahers when schools do re-conveen, which is right and proper, but there seems little in the way of help and assistance being offered as to how to make the classroom equally a safe and happy place to return to.

Boris has long been an admirer of Sir Winston Churchill. Churchill must be thinking how lucky he was to only be confronted by the Nazi's and Lord Haw Haw during the Second World War. He had no social media criticising his every move, he had no television and had total censorship of the press. Boris has none of that. He has a population of  Remainers he has upset  together with Labour, Lib Dem and other opposition party members who are happy to wade in while having no  responsibility for anything important themselves. He has the Press putting their spin on things and a gullible proportion of the population soaking it up as true.

It's a tough time for all of us, but nobody would want to be in Boris's shoe's at the moment, that's for sure. We can all be alert and start to allow the Country to open up a small amount, step too far though and we will all be back where we started and none of us want that.

Pocket Style

As I continue to fight the case for Boris as PM up here in Scouseland, with, I admit, limited success, I am delighted that one of his cohorts, Jacob Rees-Mogg has struck a blow for the reinstatement of the Queens English by issuing a style guide for his newly allocated government office.

Regular readers of this blog, most notably 'Off the Record Dick' and my late departed mate Figs,will be surprised and fascinated to learn that I developed one such style guide for the members of the IBM consulting and professional services organisation in the early 90's. The Company was just branching out into the consulting arena and it was considered important to ensure our reports and the presentation material surrounding them were of a consistent format, hence the need for some grammatical guidelines. I must admit to lax usage of the apostrophe and comma, however it is very interesting to look back at some of the guidelines presented at that time. Here are a couple:

Issue: Avoid using the word issue unless referring to a paper or journal. Use problem or concern instead.

Simplistic: Use simple-minded or naive, or simple if that is what you mean

Verbs: Do not use nouns as verbs; for example, 'IBM solutioned the problem'

One of the great sources of style was produced by The Economist for its journalistic staff. It is interesting that Boris himself was the editor-in-chief  for this organ for many years!!

This guide was later published and sits on my bookcase along with 'The Complete Plain Words' , 'Big Elephants Are Useful', a compendium of mnemonics and idioms and 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves' a modern punctuation bible.

Can any or all of them solve the greatest grammatical challenge regarding what people from Argentina are called? Answer, from The Economist is that they are Argentines not Argentinian. Phew! glad we cleared that up.

Bronzed bodies

Well, the England team did as well as could be expected against a more experienced European outfit. I can't help comparing it to Theresa May and her attempt to make something of the Brexit process. Putting aside her remain bias, her time in the Bank of England cheque clearing division clearly did not expose her to the aggressive negotiating skills needed to deal with European politicians trained under the Charles d'Gaulle 'non' school of diplomacy.

I can well imagine Donald Trump trying to council her. He is a hard nosed businessman which is just what is needed. He says it as it is and at the moment it's a pigs ear of a project. There seems little that can be done now to keep Corbyn out of office so I look forward to 14% mortgage rates, unlimited spending and higher taxes. What our place will be in Europe by then is anybody's guess.

It's interesting that Trump thinks Boris Johnson would make a good Prime Minister and he considers him a friend. You never see them in the same room together do you?

Enough, lets get back into holiday mode. There is a Wallasey wind blowing down the beach this morning so we are on the balcony at the moment. The kite surfers are out in force so it looks a lot like New Brighton but with palm trees.

I played the back nine holes at the Heritage golf club yesterday then hit a few balls on the range. The course was a typical resort layout with generous fairways, a bit of water and well protected greens. The holes were cut so well that only a centrally directed putt found the bottom of the cup. We are eating at the golf club tonight so that should be good.

Last night we ate at the Indian restaurant which was excellent. The resort has gone very quiet as the wedding guests and others left to go home but we are happy to chill with the good food and wine keeping us going.

More golf tomorrow and hopefully Gareth and the boys can clinch the Bronze medal. If we achieve a Bronze at an Olympics people are over the moon, lets hope they see the footballers in a similar light!

One person one vote....

I am fairly ambivalent to the result of the European referendum. I don't know if that is because of my age, or because I no longer live in the South East. Merseyside voted to stay, and as a Labour hotbed, that is no surprise. They follow the party line up here, but that dictated by Joe Anderson and Frank Field rather than Jeremy Corbyn. Usually a vote for the Conservatives is a wasted vote, but last Thursday the one person, one vote system saw a much higher voter turnout, and a significantly close vote. I have not heard much disappointment voiced on the Wirral.

I think it was apparent even during the renegotiation that David Cameron did not have the appetite to manage a Brexit, and that was confirmed by his early resignation notification. Bonking Boris stood to win whichever way things panned out, and the clever people he surrounds himself with are likely to earn their money in the coming months.

Farange is a fringe play in all this, but it is disappointing that racial vandalism has reared it's head in some of the immigrant dominated areas of the Country. The authorities should move swiftly to stamp that out.

Our poisoned dwarf North of the border is rattling her cage, but she must remember that a once in a lifetime independence referendum does not become a best of three, overnight. She should be reminded that if Alex Salmond had been successful, Scotland would have  been running cap in hand to Westminster as the slump in oil prices would have almost made the Country bankrupt.
I would love to be a fly on their wall when she meets Angela Merkel to request EU membership. "Run along now Nicola, there's a good girl, what did you say you had to offer?"

The biggest winners here will be the financial institutions who are already manipulating the markets to their best advantage, and the large legal firms who are wringing their hands in expectation of the large fees to be charged going forward.

It's been four days now since the vote....the UK political process, and Labour in particular, have taken a real battering, and the EU have had a wake up call. People were fed up with the lack of dynamism at home and the increase in restrictions imposed from abroad. Those who voted to join a Common Market in 1975 did not want it to develop into a political superpower and have had a chance to make their views known. Now it's time for our elected representatives to earn their corn and plot a way towards a new Great Britain which shows leadership, originality and solidarity while still supporting Europe through tried and tested alliances.

All bumpy roads get resurfaced eventually.

I have no wish to be PM

So said Boris Johnson many times , although the jovial, blond haired serial shagger is still considered by most of the popular press to be lining himself up for a shot at our Dave, once the next elections are out of the way.

I have very rarely dabbled in politics, and my comparisons with Boris Johnson are fairly limited, my hair is grey for a start. It does seem, however, that this may  be changing as I have recently been informed that I am Chairman elect of the Wallasey golf club seniors  section. At the moment the nomination is unopposed although one is usually assured of the majority of the house when endorsed by the outgoing member, as I am.

If successful in March, I will join a line of illustrious Wallasey members, many of them ex-captains, who have held the one year office.  The benefits are wide and varied. I get automatic selection to all the inter-club matches. These include Sandiway, Southport & Ainsdale, Heswall, Chester and Mere.
I get to tee off first with the opposition chairman, captain or senior golfer, the title varies from club to club, and, I get to address both teams as part of the after dinner 'entertainment'.

This speech usually consists of thanks to the host club, my playing partners and the staff. If playing away I  then announce the result of the match, and finally tell a story. It's this last bit that is thwart with danger. Will it be risqué?  Will the home chairman tell my story just before I stand up?should it be a joke, an anecdote or a parable? I will have eighteen such opportunities so hopefully will get the formula right by the end.

It's a huge privilege to be asked to take on the role,  given I am a soft Southerner and a relatively new member of the club. I look forward to being elected, and serving the Senior section, and wider Club membership during my year in office, with humour, humility and hospitality. Can't say fairer than that, and gentlemen, that reminds me..........

Bonking Boris bounces back

The old boy has bucked a trend in the recent council elections, and been re-elected as Mayor of London. As the Conservative party took a fair old pounding across the Country, the female pro-Boris vote held strong and he was able to fend off Ken 'the con' Livingstone and remain firmly entrenched in County Hall.

It's nothing out of the ordinary for the incumbent Government to get roasted in the mid-term elections, so I suspect Dave and his crew will be fairly relaxed about the wider political picture. He might, however, be looking over his shoulder from time to time to check that Boris is still maintaining that he has no presumptions about being PM. That could all change though.

In the last term we had the introduction of the Boris bikes into London, and he is now well placed to see through the Olympic Games in a few weeks time. I suspect his major focus, and legacy, though will be to try to force through the plans for an estuary airport  at the mouth of the Thames.
The four runway airport will reputedly cost between £40-£70 billion and would be built on to artificial islands near Whitstable. Bet the oysters aren't too happy! Norman Foster favours a land side airport on the Isle of Grain and there are alternative options for Gatwick and Stanstead, although Heathrow does now seem to be out of the running.  With Gatwick and Heathrow likely to be close to meltdown during the upcoming Olympics, there will certainly be a ground swell for a new facility near London. Link it somehow to the Eurostar and fast trains to the North of England and we could see the Boris Island Airport gather some momentum.

At the moment there are minimal UK flights to China, India and Brazil that the UK are missing out on very lucrative deals with these rising industrial giants. Guangzhou, the main industrial centre in China has no direct flights from Heathrow. Amsterdam, Paris and Frankfurt have 800 a year between them. So clearly something must be done. Will the finance be there, can the nature and ecology problems be overcome, and would it really take 20 years from conception to delivery. If that's the case Boris better get bonking!!!

Wheeler dealer

The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, has been featured in the tabloids recently for his alleged dalliances with members of the fairer sex, usually of the blond persuasion. This may well be getting him the nickname 'Boris the Bike'

Boris has, however, lent his name to another closely related colloquialism which is springing up around London, namely Boris Bikes. These contraptions are traditional sit up and beg style cycles positioned at docking stations around London and are designed to collect and drop at various places as you make your way around town. They are sponsored by Barclays who must be somewhat disappointed that they are not referred to as Barclay bikes.

The first 30 minutes of a hire is free, there on after a sliding charge applies . Some local authorities are reluctant to embrace the scheme, and a few well to do suburbs are resisting the planning applications for their streets, however the ones I have seen do not appear intrusive in the slightest, and with bike storage and security, a problem for flat owners I would have thought this is a great addition to the capitols transport system.

I am about to register for my dongle and may then try the system on the more quiet back lanes of London as my cycling skills are equivalent to those of a 6 or 7 year old, given I never owned one as a kid. The scheme does not supply helmets either, so we will see how I go.

As an aside, I have noticed an increase in privately owned sit up and beg bikes, mostly used by good looking women, maybe Boris is on some sort of alternative scheme with them too!!

A week is a long time in politics

....and a long time not to post a blog entry, so whats been happening?

There have been a number of developments regarding previous stories in the last few days. Most significant has been the election of Boris 'The Spider' Johnson, as the new mayor of London. jolly good show I say as it removes Ken 'The Newt' Livingstone from office and removes the sleaze which allegedly followed him around in the London Assembly rooms.

Tomorrow is the start of my second year of Blog writing, so that means the house must have been on the market all that time, or near enough.We are not really any closer to selling, but there seem to be some new people dragged along by Foxtons to at least show a bit of activity.
I still can't work out the way the hit tracker works, it says 942 people have visited but I am sure it is not counting unique id's so will need to see how to sort that out....something for a quiet day at the office maybe?

There is no Clampitts tour this year, but SWMBO is off with some amigos loco to sunny Spain at the weekend, definitely lock up your husband time. I shall take advantage to play a few medal rounds of golf and make sure my handicap is still kosha. Next week is the IBM national golf tournament qualifier in Ilkley, then its off to the boarders in Scotland for a bit more Ailsa Craig trophy hunting. I must try not to win the Rabbit this year, which reminds me, I wonder where it is? As I was captain of the winning Moose Cup team in Portugal this year, I must be attracted to trophies associated with animals.

Well that's a brief summary of things past, I am just off to get the kids off the bouncy castle and cut all the trees down in the garden, you just can't be too careful these days can you?

Spiders and newts

The news that Boris Johnson has agreed to stand as prospective Conservative candidate for the position of Mayor of London will, I am sure, be greeted with mixed emotions, and these emotions will probably not be segregated by party politics, such are this man's particular characteristics.

Boris is one of the few MP's who has been asked to apologise for telling the truth, he portrays himself as a larger than life character with his frequent television appearances and he is an advocate for the use of cycles ahead of the motor , even though he loves fast cars. He could probably entertain viewers in a one man "I'm a celebrity..." or "Celebrity Big Brother", but is he the right man for the job of Mayor?

He is seen as a bumbling character, but this is an image he works hard at portraying, very few people actually dislike him, but he does have a problem with people failing to take him seriously. Like Ernest Shackleton, however, he is very good at surrounding himself with highly skilled, successful people. The Mayor of London will need such support to manage the diverse and endless tasks which the position warrants.

Then, of course, we have to ask whether 'Red' Ken is worth a third term in office. In the same way as Monty Python asked what had the Romans done for us, so Londoners could ask the same of him.

The congestion charge will probably live as his legacy, it has certainly earned a lot of money for the coffers, but has it been the success he says it is? I don't drive into London so I am not at liberty to say whether the traffic flows more freely during the day, but I see it as a bit like speed cameras. They too generate income but do they stop accidents or speeding motorists, I don't think so.

Livingstone will at last face a tough election if Boris is indeed his opponent, and Ken will be keen to win. He has his Crossrail scheme to see through, and would dearly like to be Mayor during the London 2012 Olympics albeit having to face a fourth election to achieve it. He does, however, court controversy in the same way as he indicates his opponent does. His stubbornness is illustrated by his insistence on progressing the West London tram link through Shepherds Bush and Ealing, when most of the local people are not in favour. His free travel for U18's caused a rash of streaming attacks on buses and his intransigence was evident when he failed to review and modify the scheme, and his power trip has been most evident with his insistence on taking over local planning approval from the Government, something which will allow his own personal taste for high rise and unsuitable architectural design to dominate the London development landscape for as long as he remains in power.

First of all Boris needs to be nominated as one of the Conservative candidates, then all of London get to choose whether he stands against Ken. The opportunity for tactical voting, and election fraud will reach new heights I suspect, as Labour look for ways of excluding Boris from the final election. The fact that Livingstone is already bad mouthing Boris in a sure sign of genuine concern at losing his job.

As The Times quoted "We ought to celebrate it, being the first election for decades when a maverick can't lose."