ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh stayin' alive

I have been ridiculed about my clothes sense before. Farah slacks were banned by the kids some years ago, and I have had dated round collared shirts flushed down the toilet by well meaning house mates. I still keep a pair of loons in the wardrobe hoping one day to be able to do the waist up, and all my 'interesting' designer stuff is now reserved for the golf course.

All this could be put seriously in the shade now as a result of some action my cousin Mike has asked me to take. He has suggested I might like to help him bid up his items on e-bay. Its a common practice. you put the item on for 99p to keep the listing charges to a minimum, then get a chum to bid up to somewhere near your target price. Sometimes it works, sometimes it backfires.

At the moment its the latter, and I am hours away from owning a white linen suit for goodness sake. As if that is not bad enough, my cousin is skinnier than me, so it won't even fit!!

Now the lad who walks round Twickenham before England international matches wears a white suit so maybe he can make use of it, but he may have to look to change his outfit to blend in with the ridiculous new kit which the rugby team have just appeared in.

For the last World Cup England launched the lycra tight rugby shirt which may look fine on Kieran Bracken and Josh Lewsey, but it does nothing for the fuller figure, which many rugby fans possess. The 'Old Farts' produced a traditional cotton variant to overcome this marketing gaff, but how they will recover this situation I dread to think.

I suspect even the Orange Order, or a girls majorette troupe would be embarrassed to wear this new kit, the players do look like they have just participated in Mr Rugby 2007 and forgotten to take their sashes off. Come on RFU sort it out.