Oxymoron

I have had serious toothache this week, and anybody who knows me has been keeping well clear. Grumpy is not in it. To indicate how bad the pain was, I have been popping painkillers like smarties, and I am normally so against them you would not believe.

To a certain extent its my own fault. I knew I needed some treatment, so went to see my regular dental practise, knowing my usual dentist had moved away to start his own.

I found his replacement did not do NHS treatment, and after assessing my dental needs, two fillings and a crown, he quoted almost £400. He also took great delight in showing me his gold fillings and saying they were the way to go and I should have them. I took an instant dislike to the guy, and thought if I was going to pay that amount of money I would rather give it to somebody else.

He was also arrogant and rude to his dental nurse, but I am informed this is not unusual. My wife is in the trade and knows a thing or two about it.

So, I thought I would find a practise taking on NHS patients and rang the local NHS patient assistance line (PALS). They gave me a few names, but before registering with any of them I lodged a piece of wheatgerm in the damaged cavity and pierced into the nerve.......hurt or what!!

So now I am patched up. I found a very pleasant Polish dentist in Acton who assessed me, although he declined me as an NHS patient as the work was not worth his while for the fixed fees he can claim from them. He did quote £250 though and made no mention of crowns, just standard fillings. I mentioned the fact that I played for London Polish RFC in my youth, in Balham, South London and that seemed to help the relationship. he said he could see me on the NHS for checkups and other 'minor' work, so that was a step int he right direction.

The Polish connection reminded me of my embarrassing moment on the H22 bus after a recent rugby match when I engaged a young lady in conversation. She was not too keen to talk and said she did not understand as she was Polish. I then impishly asked her was she a plumber or an electrician....she got off at the next stop!

Talking of teeth, a few weeks ago there was an article about a chap who had crashed his new £125,000 BMW into a lamp post when he took his girlfriend out for a spin in it. Apparently she distracted him while he was driving and he was quoted as being relieved when, on impact, she had screamed!